Dear Pandora Part 2 (Now You're Just Being Stupid)

I'm sitting at my desk, grooving on some Hold Steady (and by grooving I mean occasionally bobbing my head and perhaps biting my lip and nodding a bit when they play Chips Ahoy but not ever actually doing anything that might be categorized as dancing) when what should I see but this:

(outraged pink commentary by yours truly)

Look Pandora -- I thought we settled this shit. I agreed not to shame you by having a torrid affair with your mortal enemy and you agreed to stop acting like all of my favorite bands are Blowfish clones. Personally I've enjoyed this extended period of peace (thanks for recommending The Kamikaze Hearts!) but don't think I won't turn on the bitch face and cut you if I hear so much as one note of some stupid song about a dude crying over a football game (save that baby act for when I kick your ass at Mario Kart).

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How many posts does it take for Brianna to run out of blog ideas? 12. I downloaded some new ipod filler this weekend and writing about it is my only blog back up plan so in this post I’m am going to once again attempt to write about music – this should be amusing because despite being super passionate about music all of my attempts to write about it come out as “Isn’t this song pretty? Here, let me quote the lyrics for you…. Awesome, right?!?!”

This post should also serve as evidence that I am no longer cool (I refuse to admit that I was never cool) since all of the songs that I bookmarked in Pandora over the last month are either 35 years old or by artists that I discovered in college. Right now a couple of the hip young kids from work are reading this and losing all respect for me. Luckily this posting everyday thing will soon drive me to baking which should win back the love of all coworkers.

So on that note let’s review my current playlist.

Chips Ahoy – The Hold Steady

I’ve been stalking The Hold Steady since I found out they were playing a concert with The Old 97s and deemed them cool by association (If Rhett Miller bought a case of Diet Coke Plus I’d be drinking it all day too). I actually purchased the entire Hold Steady album, “Boys and Girls in America” which is superb as a whole but this is by far my favorite song. Listening to the Hold Steady reminds me a bit of listening to The Promise Ring’s Very Emergency or something by Cake. This song in particular is happy and bouncy and the perfect pace for my walk to work and on top of that the line, “How am I supposed to know that you’re high if you won’t let me touch you?” is super hot.

Happy Kid – Nada Surf

This song is only 4 years old so I feel pretty good about only discovering it now. 2003 was a good year – Britney has yet to completely ruin her life, we had hope of avoiding a second George W term, Christmas promised another installment of The Lord of the Rings instead of the end of Paul Giamatti ’s career. Who wouldn’t want to go back in time?

Afraid of Nineveh – Gosling

This song is my only hope for saving my cool since the album came out last year and I can’t even find the lyrics online – and we all know that unknown band = indie cred.

For an atheist I have quite a love for gospel music (ala Gillian Welch) and Bible based songs in general. This song is about Jonah and the whale which the band turns into a great allegory for growing up.

Truly Great Thing – Sebadoh

You remember Sebadoh -- they were popular in 1993? They got included in Mary Lou Lord’s His Indie World song? They are now super old and their fan base probably consists mostly of stay at home dads?

But this song is so pretty! And it’s about having a great love finally appear in your life after years of waiting! And it's pretty!

Falling Down Blue – Blue Rodeo

Blue Rodeo sounds very Lyle Lovett in this heartbreaking song about… heartbreak. The lead singer, Jim Cuddy has a gift for filling his voice with pain and it works so well with the subtle twang on this song. Pretty pretty pretty.

Steady as She Goes – The Raconteurs

Here’s another album that I should have bought years ago especially since it’s fronted by Jack White who I have been in love with for 6 years even though he has yet to graduate from his high school goth phase. the Ranconteurs have a more rock and roll sound that The White Stripes and while a part of me misses the simple pleasure of Meg's rhythmic drumming the full sound of this song certainly makes for a more satisfying shower serenade.

Sister Golden Hair – America

This song was last famous in 1975 so I’ve pretty much regressed to my mother’s young adulthood. I also recently thumbs-uped a Beatles song on Pandora (Paperback Writer), soon I may start smoking pot, wearing bell bottoms and reading Love Story. This song is also the 1975 version of “Yo babe, I love you but I can’t be tied down” what with the "I aint ready for the altar but I do agree there's times when a woman sure can be a friend of mine." but somehow they make it so sweet...

For a Song – Story Hill

This is the folk musician version of the “I Love the Rodeo More than You” country genre so obviously I loved it from first listen. Also I love everything that comes out of Chris and Johnny’s lips and if Jack White doesn’t want to leave his wife I would totally accept a marriage proposal from either of these guys.

Despite these recent downloads I am still in dire need of new music so if you happen to be the owner of a record review blog that you never write in anymore (Matt, this means you) perhaps you should send me some new music suggestions.

Dear Pandora

We've been friends for a long time now and even though I am still a little hurt that you chose not to respond to my past advances I've moved on and I'm really happy now. I had hoped that we could still hang out without there being any weird animosity or sexual tension but lately I'm a little worried that you are incapable of putting our past aside and working with me to develop a healthy friendship. A few times over the past few months you've choosen to act out in ways that can only be described as cruel.

I feel a little bit like I'm the butt of the internet radio version of that hilarious joke where the cute boy asks out the slightly awkward girl but when she agrees he laughs and informs her that no one wants to go out with her because she is really smart and totally funny and will absolutely be a heart breaker once she escapes the hell of 7th grade (Not his actual words. Not that I would know...). I'll be sitting at my desk, rocking out to some new band, bookmarking songs, thinking that you have been awfully nice to me today (maybe you've changed your mind about me? I have a nice bottle of red and the New White Stripes CD at home, wanna come over?) and then, when I'm feeling my best and thinking that my hair looks really good today and all the boys love me, you play a little Hootie and the Blowfish. I may not be fluent in the communication methods of music recommendation software but even the illiterate know that Hootie is an insult. I am a very upscale music listener most people haven't even heard of half of the bands that I love, I think we both know how cool that makes me. I didn't even own a Hootie CD back when they were the musical equivalent of Funyuns (hugely popular, apt to give you bad breath, devoid of nutritional content) so your behavior is particularly hurtful. But you know what? Forget about me for a moment, I'm a big girl, I can take the taunting -- How do you think this makes Blue Rodeo feel? It's their radio station that you insist on playing this crap on and it's not fair, Blue Rodeo is just a ragtag group of Canadian rockers, they don't deserve to be dragged into your little game; we both know that this is about us.

A few days ago you played a Firehouse song for me on my Lyle Lovett station. Firehouse has changed a bit in the past 17 years and is making a valiant effort to grow with their fans from "main stream rocking hair band" to "sensitive adult contemporary guys who are just edgy enough to have long hair." Regardless of which of these categories you are filing the band under they should never be played next to Lyle. Pandora, I have to question how well you know me, and frankly, if you care about my feelings at all. I thought we were close but no true friend of mine would mess with my country music boyfriend. I owned a Firehouse cassette tape back in 1989 when "Don't Treat Me Bad" was on heavy rotation over at KIIS FM so I am familiar with their particular brand of auditory assault and I am appalled that your passive aggressive behavior has devolved to the point of mocking my preteen self. I admit that I was a pretty bad ass sixth grader who was constantly playing with fire and getting burned and/or getting kicked in the face and coming back for more, luckily I've matured and if you continue to torment me I will go have a little tete-a-tete with lastfm. Do not mess with me.

Get it together or else,
Brianna