Showing posts with label psa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psa. Show all posts

Saturday, November 03, 2007

A PSA for My Adult Readers

First I’d like to say, Congragulations on making it to adulthood! As you’ve probably already noticed it’s pretty sweet here, we get to stay out past our bedtime and drink booze and it has been at least 6 months since someone called me a doodyhead. But like all of our freedoms this paradise ain’t free (you don’t get your habeus corpus without a little waterboarding).

The following rules are not suggestions or nice to haves – the’re actually requirements for being the kind of person who isn’t classified as a huge douche, so pay attention.

  1. Adults return people’s phone calls and emails
  2. Adults say “Thanks you” when they receive a gift (preferably in writing)
  3. Adults arrive on time for appointments regardless of how casual the commitment
  4. Adults remember and acknowledge the birthdays of family and close friends

If you’re “bad at” some of the things on this list that’s ok – everyone has challenges in life but, as I said, these are not optional skills, this is your job. When you’re bad at your job you either get better or get fired. So you need to be working on getting it together and in the mean time you need to be apologizing profusely when you fail at any of these.

Tomorrow we’ll return to your regularly scheduled mildly humorous blog posting.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A PSA for the Ladies

Girls,

Can everyone one please stop hovering? Hovering is the bathroom equivalent of driving a huge SUV. Sure, your ass is dry but while selfishly protecting your own tuckus you're spaying pee all over the damn seat. Everyone else is suffering from your self serving ways. You have no aim when you hover. If all of us would just sit the fuck down there would be no reason to hover in the first place.

If you absolutely refuse to let your precious behind touch porcelain at least have the moral character to wipe the damn seat after you spray urine all over it.

Only you can prevent wet butts.