According to Feedburner I have 68 subscribers to this ode to triviality. Based on my Stat Counter numbers I figure I also have about 25-30 readers who have yet to discover the joy of RSS and are still reading via bookmarks or links from other blogs (these readers will hence forth be known as “my mom and her friends”) which makes for roughly 100 readers total. Which makes me super famous (and also makes me consider some Google ads but then I remember that I am better off waiting for the big payoff so if you’re in the advertising industry and want to offer me tons of money to put a picture of say ice cream or bras or the next crappy reality tv show star over on that sidebar might I just direct you to the “email me” link?). But I have to ask – who are you people?
I can officially account for ~30 people that fit into the “guilted into reading my blog” category – this includes most of my close friends, the few family members who have discovered the inter tubes, and the people who sit closest to me at the office. Also known as people who have to read this blog if they want to retain the awesome membership benefits of the “Friends with Brianna” club. Specifically the freshly baked cookies and the in depth powwows about if when a boy says he likes cookies it means he specifically likes the cookies I made or that he just has a sweet tooth OR that he hates cookies but likes me well enough to pretend he likes cookies (best case scenario) OR if he feels obligated to claim a love for cookies simply because I had no pants on when I offered him cookies. And most importantly does this mean that he wants to kiss more? Because I love the kissing even more than cookies. No one wants to miss out on that kind of fun.
I’m guessing there are at least 2 or 3 old high school peers who found this site via MySpace or Facebook and choose to stalk me in the hopes that I will continue to reveal juicy morsels of gossip about my life which they can then pass around town and possibly use to embarrass me should I ever deign to attend a high school reunion (not likely). I generally support this action because on the few occasions when my own personal social network stalking has yielding promising fruit in the form of embarrassing confessions from girls who used to make fun of my hair in 7th grade I have wasted no time calling the 2 people from grade school whom I still speak with to discuss exactly how much more awesome we are than people who made fun of us in junior high (answer: fucking a lot more awesome, thanks). And so, I offer up this tidbit of gossip to the category of “fair is fair” – Even though I probably seem super amazing to the point of verging on perfect when viewed via this blog alone the truth is that my hair still looks like a sheep decided to take a nap on my forehead roughly 65% of the time. But like a smart little self marketing machine I choose not to include pictures of the head flock on the internet.
There are likely at least 5 guys in my readership who I went out on dates with sometime in the last year and who added the blog to their RSS reader in an attempt to get in my pants (good move, this usually works.). But who then either decided my pants looked better on me then on their floor (foolish) or who dropped some deal breaker about a total devotion to astrology or George W or a former girlfriend. And so things didn’t work out but I was kept on the blogroll because my thrice weekly whining will be all the evidence needed to show that they are better off without me. To these boys I say, “Yeah but sometimes I post pictures featuring my boobs and then who’s better off – hmmmm?????” And for every one of these guys who I actually dated I imagine that there is at least one dude who found me on a dating site, started reading the blog and decided that there was no way in hell he was ever asking me out but who keeps the subscription going for the boobies. Hi boys, have I mentioned that I bake cookies A LOT?
And then there are the people who found my blog via your standard Google search and after seeing just how relevant my writing is to their life decided to stick around. Some of the newest members of this group probably include the following:
1. “pictures of my brouther when he was 12 years olf in side if my room”
hit # 28 -- I imagine this is mostly due to my matching typo for the word “old” so once again my complete inability to type and/or spell has brought people together. This is truly a gift from god.
2. “I am a woman that always ends up with a crusty substance in my pan”
I'm on page 8 and I can't find any links to here but I think we all know that there was a “ties” on the end of this that was cut off by some draconian search term limit (And I say thank god for such fascist rules). I also say to this new reader, "You should probably get that checked out by a doctor because while this blog offers a lot of important services to my readers I am quite happy to say that we offer nothing in the crusty substance category.”
So that’s…. 45 people accounted for and 55 government spies – your tax dollars at work.
